Transitions

So, with all the changes and such lately, I decided I might try a new format for this blog-thingamagig. Following Tom’s reprimands that I “don’t own myself” (I’m paraphrasing, of course) I decided to switch to first person. Though, to protect the innocent I will continue to use pseudonyms for other people (hence, Tom). I know, I know, it’s a little silly considering the three people who actually read this blog already know whom I am talking about. But still, if nothing else it will hopefully keep me out of jail. Though going to jail would likely give me loads to write about.

Here I am a week left in Hawai’i.

What I forgot to include in this journal was probably the most exciting part of my entire experience here. I went snorkeling in Hanauma Bay, a nature preserve made up forests of reef and an abundance of marine life the likes of which I only dreamed about. I swam next to two huge green sea turtles (or “honu”, in Hawai’ian) and it was one of those rare experiences where, if I saw it on TV I wouldn’t think it so extraordinary. In real life…it was transcendent.

The mansion at the stop of my street is called Hale Akamai, or “Smart House.” In my fantasy world, the house is fitted with advanced A.I. and greets its owner with, “Hello, Mr. Roberts, may I adjust the temperature for you?” Of course, as my fantasies go, the house later turns on Mr. Roberts vying for cerebral supremacy (Mr. Roberts, see, built the Smart House a la Frankenstein…I know, it’s not very original but what story is). Mr. Roberts has to burn down his beloved house to save his family…though what real threat the Smart House imposed we are uncertain, but it made for a very tense fantasy.

Where was I going with this?

Oh! For a while I berated myself about having come to Hawai’i. I thought I wasn’t very smart and it was sort of funny that I was living below the “Smart House.” Even though I had done a lot of research I still wasn’t prepared for a lot of things. True.

But since then I have discovered that coming here was a very smart thing to do in many respects. I think we have to take huge risks and be prepared to make huge mistakes. That process, and it really is all about the process, is what makes us better people, better artists. By coming here I learned so much about myself, about the world, a different culture that I never would have I just come here on vacation. The vacation Hawai’i is drastically different than the real one.

I often get caught up in a result-oriented mentality. The idea that things have to produce X, Y, Z to have worth. This relationship has to do this, and that job has to provide that, etc. Life just isn’t that structured. And I truly believe that the only way to happiness is to allow more of life to happen, follow waves where they take you and ride them for as long as they last. Our moods change, our wants change, people come in and move out of our lives and NOTHING is permanent. The sooner we let go of that desire the better.

I am moving back with Tom. I will give 100% to this relationship. But if it doesn’t last or it doesn’t work out it is nobody’s fault. There will be no one to blame. He and I are coming to each other with a new, fresh approach. We love and miss each other and want the other person to be happy. Perhaps we will contribute to that, perhaps not. Only by going through the experience will we find out. But we must risk this; we must bare our hearts for this adventure.

Am I scared? You bet I am. But, like this island, it will either be a terrific success or a colossal failure and both have tremendous value.

Hawai’i was not what I hoped it might be. So be it. I don’t hate Hawai’i. No, in fact, I love this place and can’t wait to come back. I hope to one-day share it with Tom or some other loved one. It’s a magical, wondrous place.

Hm…I wonder what life will be like this time next month…

Pictures 1 and 2: Hanuama Bay...truly the pics don't do it justice.

Great Tragedy and Small Triumphs

Nik had started research and writing on a new project his friend Kyle had presented to him. It was about the tragedy and amazing stories of survival of the men of the USS Indianapolis in WWII. In a nutshell, the Indy was a heavy cruiser in a war that was seeing the tide of battle change from sea to air. Unaware of its actual mission, the Indy was assigned a top-secret voyage to carry crates to Tinian Island. The crates turned out to be parts of Little Boy, the atomic bomb dropped on Hiroshima. After that delivery was made the ship was to report to Leyte in the Philippines. Even though the Navy knew that there were Japanese subs in the waters between Guam and Leyte, they sent the Indy without a Destroyer escort, which was never done. Furthermore, the Navy didn’t tell Captain McVay that another ship had been sunk along this very path a day or two prior.

Through what amounts to be a seemingly endless number of miscommunications and bureaucratic shortcomings, the Indy was torpedoed by a Japanese sub and sank. Some 900 men made it off the ship (of approximately 1200 onboard). Even though distress calls had been made and they were late getting into port, no one made the connection that this enormous ship was suddenly nowhere to be found.

The survivors clung to whatever they could find, life vests, crates, anything to stay afloat. The water was a thick stew of oil and fuel. The men were badly burned and some could not even swim. After the first night, the sharks began attacking. Hundreds of ravenous predators circled the men, first they picked of the injured and dying, then they made their way through to the more healthy.

The sailors floated in that water for five days without help. Starving and dehydrated men drank seawater, they became distraught and suffered hallucinations. To end their torment many committed suicide by just swimming away from their life vests and sinking or deliberately swimming into the schools of sharks.

When a plane finally and accidentally found them nearly a week later only 317 men were still alive.

To make matters worse, in order to cover up this egregious mistake, the Navy made Captain McVay a scapegoat for the tragedy saying that he failed to make a maneuver that even the Japanese Sub Commander said wouldn’t have made a difference. Nevertheless, McVay was court-martialed and after years of being attacked by parents of the deceased, he committed suicide. President Clinton finally posthumously exonerated the Captain of any wrongdoing.

So, there’s a lot going on, for sure. There are several comprehensive books written on the subject and numerous screenplays already in development. The challenge becomes multi-tiered.

How does one tie what are certainly extraordinary circumstance, but nevertheless coincidences, into a rich story with a binding through-line?

How did he make the screenplay/play/whatever unique from the other projects out there? This was admittedly a game of anticipation and guesswork.

And, perhaps most importantly, what is one’s obligation to history? To those who survived and perished? Nik felt guilty merging and tweaking timelines, amalgamated characters.

Perhaps he should write a completely fictional story based loosely on the events of the Indianapolis. Reality was awfully confining after all.

Things to consider.

As part of his research, Nik went to The USS Arizona Memorial in Pearl Harbor. It was difficult not to think of 9/11 as Nik stood on the bleach white memorial hovering over the sunken tomb. The similarities were startling: the sheer astounding number of dead, the arrogant and over-confident America hit with a surprise attack that could have absolutely been avoidable. Life is such a fragile thing, why do we spend so much time fighting and killing one another? Why after eons of trying, have we been so unable to find away to meet everyone’s needs as one planet? Are our religions and governments so necessary that we find it easy to overlook other human beings in pain, in hunger?

Perhaps energy ripples outward from small pebbles. Perhaps Nik needed to take stock of his role in the state of the world.

It would certainly be easy for a person to wave it all off and say, “just do what you want and let the world figure itself out.” But if everyone did that, well, wouldn’t we find ourselves right where we are? A person may not necessarily have to become president or Mother Theresa but maybe the simplest adjustments can make staggering changes. Instead of pursuing a career for selfish gains, try pursuing work that had a positive impact.

So much of Nik’s desires came from a selfish place: ha had wanted to be rich and famous, he wanted to be loved and worshipped. But shouldn’t we love without concern for what we get in return. Give without receipt? It was hard to consider; harder still to imagine how to put it into practice.

With much on his mind and the water at low tide, Nik took a dip in the “big pool.” The ocean was teeming with life. Sure there were the usual suspects, but today there were also large turtles at play, a strange tubular cornet fish, and several very sweet brown dogs. As the turtles would pop their head above water the dogs would go mad with excitement barking to each other and then racing into the crashing waves. Disoriented, they would gasp and search the water for the submerged creature but having lost it they would return to their masters. As if the turtles knew they had the upper hand they would swim a little closer to the beach, pop up, and dunk under, teasing the thrilled pups. Everyone on the beach shared a sweet moment of laughter.

There is so much beauty in the world. Simple, pure moments of tenderness and beauty. Perhaps we just need to stop and recognize them. Perhaps by participating in and sharing this beauty we, in small ways, can help make the world a better place.

Hell, it was worth a try.

Picture #1: A Cornet Fish
Picture #2: USS Arizona Memorial
Picture #3: An Anchor from the Arizona
Picture #4: The Deck of The Submarine USS Bowfin